2024 review

I started off this year organizing readings and attending my first AWP, which gave me the confidence to leave a job for better opportunities. That turned out to be a mistake. I was not as well prepared as I thought I was. With the safety of hindsight I feel better about my decision, reassured by success that I needed a change, but it defined my year with my worse impulses rather than my earlier achievements.

my friends and family tell me not to let it preoccupy too much of my sense of self. As the year ends I know that I didn't hurt myself or anyone else. I even scraped by without having to start a GFM, which was an option seriously on the table. I'm grateful to everyone who had patience with me while I was scared of what the future would bring. While I was between jobs I felt like I barely qualified as a person, which seems dramatic but with no income at all I was afraid to go outside in case I got hungry or thirsty. The gap job I took in between permanent positions was at a lonely industrial outpost with some of the worst coworkers I've ever had, who both incompetent and demeaning. It never mattered if they made a mistake, but if I forgot to attach a document to an email or said 'good morning' on the phone after 12pm it was a situation that they had to control, like it would physically bring the roof down on us. After work I was attending summer classes, preparing for the fall semester, and trying to escape my work mindset by visiting friends. My new job began the same time as my next semester, bringing me closer to a bachelor's degree and a career path in line with my ambitions. As time keeps passing it brings me back to this same time last year and reminds me of the chain of conclusions that sent me to this point. It gives me a neat year-end narrative, at least, and genuine excitement for the next year. New day job, renewed discipline to getting my degree, and shopping a new project to publishers. Can’t wait to hold Death Cleric in my hands.